Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
