the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
