last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
