I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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