I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
