hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
