Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Drunk is not a location!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
