i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
