i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
