You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
