And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
