sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
