You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
