Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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