So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
