I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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