so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
