Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
