Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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