it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
