Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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