Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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