just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
