All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
