I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
