If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's always time for handjobs
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
