I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
