just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
