Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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