Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
