so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
