dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
