Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
