Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When did angry sex become our thing?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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