I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
