he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
