You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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