do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
