tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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