Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
