the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
