??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
