What did we do last night that was yellow?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
