Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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