My ATM looks so different sober.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
