Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
