wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
