dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
