i just had sex bonerless
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Less talking, more tequila
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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