we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
