i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
