Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
