i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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