if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
