It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
