afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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