Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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