True but thats because hes a fetus.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
